


Seven of Us

by every1isgay



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anorexia, Asexuality, Autism Spectrum, Bathing/Washing, Coping, Cutting, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Family, Feels, Gay, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, LGBTQ Themes, Lesbian Character, Love, M/M, Marriage, Massage, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Modern Era, Multi, Muteness, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, References to Drugs, Relationship(s), Romance, Sad and Happy, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Triggers, support system
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/every1isgay/pseuds/every1isgay
Summary: “There are seven of them living together in this house, and Percy has something of a special relationship with each and every one. It is complex. Morgana and Arthur are siblings, and though they care about each other, their love is never romantic. Percival doesn’t want sex with anyone aside from the occasional time with his partners, but he still loves the others. Merlin and Arthur recently got married to each other, but they still love everyone else and participate in this great amalgam of lovers. Percival is the first to admit it is strange and confusing, but he wouldn’t really want it any other way.”They all have their own problems, but together, the seven of them figure it out.
Relationships: Elena/Gwaine/Percival (Merlin), Gwen/Morgana (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur/Gwen/Morgana/Gwaine/Percival/Elena (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. * ~ * Arthur * ~ *

**Author's Note:**

> written by Natasha
> 
> OVERALL TRIGGER WARNINGS: talk and depictions of anorexia, self-harm, cutting, homophobic comments, anxiety attacks, drugs (cocaine) and addiction, and other mental health issues. If you are sensitive to ANY of these issues, please be careful! This story may not be for you. I have tried to depict these mental health issues in a realistic way, but the characters are actively dealing with them and not yet recovered. PLEASE read with caution. Also, I will try to add another note of chapter-specific triggers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter has talk of a selectively mute episode.

Arthur wakes from his afternoon nap with a start and his first instinct is to reach over next to him in search of Merlin. His husband’s solid form is indeed there, but he seems to be shaking. Arthur blinks his eyes heavily, trying to clear his head as he lifts himself up onto an elbow. “Merlin? Babe, are you okay?”

Merlin doesn’t say anything for a moment. He is sitting up, ramrod straight. Suddenly, he gives a big, full body shudder and then shakes his head. “Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. Just… something’s wrong.” Without further ado, he peels away the blankets and rolls over Arthur’s body and off the bed. Arthur doesn’t need further explanation though.

He rubs his eyes blearily and watches his husband scamper up the stairs. Merlin just gets these feelings sometimes. It’s usually about one of their other housemates. It’s weird - Merlin is definitely a strange one - but he has yet to be wrong. And if someone is in trouble, Arthur should probably go help too, so he stretches and gets out of bed to follow Merlin upstairs.

At the head of the stairs, he looks around, but he doesn’t see anyone. Arthur didn’t check the time, but he thinks it’s early still. Most of their housemates probably aren’t home yet. Percy usually gets home first, though, so he heads down the hall towards his room. Sure enough, he sees Merlin in the doorway there. His light is off, but as Arthur walks up and hooks his chin over Merlin’s shoulder, he can see Percy lying on his giant bed. He’s just staring at the ceiling.

“Having a Bad Day?” Arthur asks quietly. They all have them. Every single resident of this house is at least a little broken, struggling a little, and they all have their days. Their Bad Days. On the other hand, as he looks into the room waiting for a response that doesn’t come, he can’t say he remembers Percy ever really having one. He has had bad days, for sure. But maybe not actually a Bad Day. One where things are too much and they spiral out of his control, one where he needs the support of his family.

Percy still isn’t answering, not even looking at them. Merlin lets out a slow breath and then he walks into the room. “I’m coming in, Percy, okay?” his husband asks gently. Percy doesn’t say anything, but Merlin keeps going, and ends up sitting down by his head. “You seem like you’re feeling pretty bad, Perce. I’d like to help - do you want me to hold your hand?” Arthur is about to say something, since Percy doesn’t seem to be in a state to answer, but Merlin leans his head over Percival’s and then says, “You can blink, if you don’t want to talk. Blink twice for yes and once for no. Can I hold your hand?” Arthur raises his brows, surprised at the clever approach. He doesn’t see what happens, but then Merlin takes one of Percy’s large hands in his. He proceeds to lie down next to the taller man, not touching except for their interlocked hands. Arthur smiles. Merlin is a sweetheart, and he might be the best at reading any of them. Percival is asexual and he doesn’t tend to mind platonic touch, but when he is feeling down, it’s always better to ask first.

Arthur probably would not have figured out a way to support Percival in this state so easily. They are all lucky to have Merlin in their lives. Arthur lets out a sigh and then walks into the room, around to the other side of the bed. He looks down at Percy’s gentle face that seems so unfocused. Arthur wants to kiss him, but now probably isn’t the time. “Hey, Percy, it’s me, Arthur. Um, can I join you guys too? Go ahead and blink twice for yes or once for no, again.” He feels considerably more awkward, but Percy blinks twice, slow and purposeful. Arthur smiles a little and lays down on Percy’s other side, finding his hand to hold onto.

They all just lie there silently for a minute, and then Merlin speaks up. “Hey, Percival. Do you want to hear about my day?” He turns his head, and to Arthur’s surprise, Percy turns too, looking back at him. Then Merlin hums and begins to ramble about his class on reptiles and how they were doing a dissection today, and he ended up with two lab partners who were grossed out by the whole process so Merlin got to get elbows deep in a turtle all on his own… Arthur zones out after a bit, because as much as he loves Merlin and his weird zoology stories, he hears them every day. And right now, he’s worried about what’s going on with their Percival.

Merlin has been Arthur’s husband for close to a year now - they really didn’t waste much time getting married. He loves him more than anything and Merlin will always be his number one. But Arthur also loves his other housemates. It’s probably weird, for anyone else, but over time, the seven of them have settled into a happy, amorphous, polyamorous relationship. They all have different connections with each other. Morgana, for instance, is Arthur’s sister and while he loves her desperately, he would never do anything sexual with her. Anyway, this is all to say that Percival is in fact, a hugely important part of Arthur’s life. And he is a little scared about whatever is going on with him.

It has probably been an hour when they hear a loud voice announce, “I’m home! And I brought a cute little surprise with me!” The door slams and then there is some clomping about. Gwaine is a very loud person by nature, and he obviously doesn’t know that the three of them are in here sharing the dark and quiet atmosphere.

“Gwaine, stop it!” Gwen squeals, and the “surprise” is no more. Usually Morgana will pick up Gwen on her way home, but she might be working late today. So clearly, Gwaine picked her up. Gwaine laughs and there is another squeal and then the sound of a light slap.

“Gwennie, how could you?” he whines playfully. His footsteps are growing closer to the hallway.

“Go find Percival to roughhouse with!” Gwen exclaims, exasperated. Arthur knows it’s a very transient exasperation. Gwaine can be a pain, certainly, but they all love him, and they are all used to his occasional manhandling and/or tickling.

The three of them have been quiet since their housemates came in the door, but Arthur squeezes Percy’s hand now, and Merlin sits up with a quick breath. He looks ready to defend Percy if need be, but Gwaine will calm down as soon as he sees what’s wrong, Arthur’s sure. Percival sits up too, just as Gwaine comes to the open doorway with a cocked head.

“Perce, are you in -” He cuts himself off as he enters the atmosphere of the room he shares with Percival and Elena. “Hey, Percy? You okay?” His voice drops, going much softer for his giant cuddle buddy. Percy sort of shrugs, but his shoulders stay hunched up by his ears.

Gwaine twitches as if to move, but Merlin quickly leaps to greet Gwaine with a hug. He whispers something in his ear, probably getting him up to speed on what is going on. Not that they know much, yet.

Gwaine’s face goes a little pale, but he takes a steadying breath, still in Merlin’s arms. “Okay,” he says, pecks Merlin on the lips, and then moves into the room. “Thanks, Merls. Love ya. And you too, Arthur.” He is speaking to them, but his eyes are on Percy as he stalks slowly towards his lover. Percy watches him with wide eyes. His face seems to be showing a lot more expression now.

“Hey, bunny…” Gwaine coos softly, sounding absolutely unlike himself. That is, except for when he talks to Percival or Elena. “Can I - can I kiss you? Merlin told me about the blinking, so just -” Gwaine stops when Percival blinks twice, urgently. Then he dives onto the bed and kisses Percy deeply on the lips. Well, maybe it is more like making out. Gwaine doesn’t actually have a lot of restraint.

Arthur starts to let go of Percy’s hand, thinking he would want to use it to touch his boyfriend, but he squeezes tight, not letting Arthur go. Arthur squeezes back, a reassurance. When Gwaine finally pulls back and allows Percy to breathe, there are tears in the bigger man’s eyes. “Oh, no, baby, was that too much?” Gwaine asks, pitch raising wildly. Percy blinks once and then shakes his head in a tiny motion. Arthur shoots him a smile. Something must be getting better, if he's moving now. “Oh. Um, okay.” While Gwaine carefully climbs into Percy's lap, they hear Gwen’s voice down the hall.

“Is he in there? Because I was thinking, and -” She pauses when she comes to the open door and sees Merlin and Arthur in the room too. “Hey,” she says, meeting each of their eyes in turn. “Is everything okay?”

“Um,” Arthur says in a tiny voice. The answer is probably no, but he doesn't want to say that, and sound like he has no faith in Percival. Gwaine comes to his rescue this time.

“Percy's just feeling bad today, so he's not talking right now.” True enough. But it doesn't entirely make sense without more explanation, so Gwen's frown is reasonable.

“Oh. Are you having a Bad Day, Perce?” Percy predictably just stares at her, eyes widening slightly.

Merlin sighs. “Gwaine means that Percy literally can’t talk right now,” he murmurs quietly. “Why don’t you join us? I think he just wants some company.” Merlin pats the bed and Gwen starts forward before Arthur blurts out:

“Wait.” Gwen stops and turns to look at him, questioning. “Not that you can’t stay with us, Gwen.” He offers her a warm smile, because he has a soft spot for Gwen. He doesn’t like to see her hurt. He doesn’t like to see any of their housemates hurt, of course, it’s just… Gwen was Arthur’s first-ever crush, and despite him being the younger, he feels a special responsibility to her. “I know this bed is basically enormous, but if we keep adding people on, we’re going to get squished, and we still have Morgana and Elena coming home. I was just thinking, some of us could go set up the living room with pillows and blankets, and we can sprawl out more there. That way we can hang out all night, if we want.” He looks around after stating his idea and he is graced with a smile from Percy.

“Good idea, Arthur,” Gwen praises. “Actually, in that case, I think I’ll go start on dinner - something easy - so we can all eat in there too. Elena can’t skip, and a good meal always helps me on a Bad Day, anyway.”

Arthur sees Percy still smiling, so he squeezes his hand once and then stands up off the bed, letting go. “Okay, sounds good. I’ll get the living room ready.”

Gwaine rolls out of Percy’s lap and catches Arthur by the shoulder. “I’m coming with! We should make a fort! A blanket fort, you know?” Arthur laughs and shakes his head, but he knows he will give in to Gwaine, if they can find a way to fit seven people into a blanket fort. They stumble towards the door with Gwaine attempting to jump on Arthur’s back for a piggy-back ride that Arthur is absolutely unwilling to give.

He hears Merlin snort and then, “Well, I’ll stay here with Percy until you are all ready for us.” Arthur manages a wave behind him before he has to leave the room or be mounted, and with that, they split ways.


	2. Morgana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgana gets home and checks in on her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter has homophobic slurs.

* ~ * Morgana * ~ *

When Morgana gets home, she finds her entire living room covered in sheets and blankets, forming a sort of tent over the room. Although she has never seen this particular sight before, she is quite used to the antics of her housemates, so all this creation generates is a sigh. She shuts the door behind her and starts to take off her high heels.

She got a text from Gwen informing her of the situation with Percy (which really doesn't seem to line up with the blanket fort) so she expected not to have any time to herself right away. As she undoes the strap on her last shoe, a curly, blond head peeks through the tent flaps.

"Morgana!" It greets cheerfully, and then comes out far enough for Morgana to actually see Elena's face. "Come on in! We're having a cuddle fest." Morgana chuckles, but doesn't take the younger girl up on her offer.

"And I suppose Gwen is making dinner for you lot all alone?" Morgana's girlfriend is the only one in the house who can cook a decent meal, but luckily she loves being the house chef. Still, they all try to take turns pitching in to set the table or stir pots or whatever Gwen needs. It's only fair.

"No," Elena pouts, apparently unhappy that Morgana had doubted her. "Arthur went to help her. He was lying in bed with Percy earlier, so he said he was all cuddled out for the day. Come on, 'Gana. Please?" She reaches out little grabby hands like a toddler. Morgana sighs. Elena can be needy and even baby-ish sometimes, but she is so adorable that even Morgana finds it difficult to resist her demands. So, clad in her blouse and pencil skirt, she gets down on her hands and knees to crawl across her living room floor.

"You better appreciate this," she mutters grumpily, but she does not fail to kiss Elena as she passes by. Elena giggles. In the dim light (they had actually set up fairy lights around the room!) Percival is sprawled like a king on a mountain of pillows. Merlin and Gwaine are curled up on either side of him, arms wrapped around his broad chest. Elena darts past Morgana and squeezes back onto Percy's lap.

"Hi, Percy," Morgana whispers, not sure why she is lowering her voice. It just seems right. "Hey, Merlin, Gwaine."

"Hi," Percy whispers back. Having been prepared for a mute Percival, Morgana's eyes widen.

"You're talking again?" she asks. He shrugs and looks away. "Ah," she breathes. Then, through an awkward feat of stretching and mild contortion, she manages to fit between Merlin and Elena enough to give Percival a hug and a kiss on the chin. “That’s okay if you’re not totally ready yet. Don’t worry about it.” She sits back afterward, because there really isn’t room for her on top of that pile, but Gwaine promptly puts his feet on her lap.

"Oh my God," she scoffs. "You're disgusting." He wiggles his bare feet and laughs, then moves one up to shove it in her face. "I'll leave you lot and go help Gwen in the kitchen," she threatens at that, and Gwaine quickly drops his foot back down.

"No, don't leave, Morgana," Merlin whines. He lifts his head up and reaches out an arm for her. With a sigh, she reaches out her arm too and they can just link fingers over Elena's back. Merlin gives a hum of content.

After a moment of quiet, Morgana meets Percy's eyes and then asks, "So do we know what happened? Percy, was there a trigger?" He swallows and looks away again. Then he nudges his boyfriend and maybe whispers something.

Gwaine shifts so he is facing Morgana and rubs his butt overtly against Percy's hip. "Well… yeah, sorta. Percy, do you mind if I…?” Percy blinks twice and then nods, so Gwaine goes on. “He was at work, and he had this table that was, like, some shitty college kids going to brunch or something. But they kept whispering about him and being rude, and then when his coworker Chris - you remember, the guy who came over for that party? - he came into work, and they hugged, so one of the kids at the table said something in earshot about them being fucking faggots.”

Morgana raises both eyebrows, both shocked by the insult and by the fact that Gwaine had gotten that much out of Percival already, while he is not even talking. But then Percy himself speaks up with a frown. “It’s stupid, I know. I shouldn’t let it bother me. But it did, and then I had to go back to serving them and pretend that I hadn’t heard.”

Morgana is about to argue with him; Percy is always ready to grin and bear it when something happens to him, but he doesn’t have to nearly as often as he does. Elena jumps in first, though. “Actually, it’s not stupid to be hurt by that. It was stupid of them to say it, and without even knowing anything about you.” She harrumphs, and somehow cuddles even closer to her boyfriend. “Morgana, Percy’s been kinda low on self confidence anyway, lately. This was just the last straw, and he snapped, I think. Did you know that the other day he told me he thinks he shouldn’t call himself queer because he’s asexual?” She rolls her eyes to show what she thinks of  _ that _ .

Morgana’s heart hurts for Percival, the muscular giant of the house, who is really just a giant softie inside. He is embarrassed by Elena calling him out, though (the girl really has no tact, bless her), and offers her a mild glare. “El -” he begins helplessly, but then he can’t seem to find the words to finish. Morgana takes this as her cue to jump in finally.

“Hey, look. It sounds like this table was clearly offensive, and you would have been well within your rights to refuse to serve them.” Okay, maybe not, Morgana doesn’t know the first thing about a server’s rights. But she would have refused them. Anyway, that’s not the point. “But even if it  _ was _ something stupid - even if it was just a small tip, or someone didn’t say thank you - it doesn’t matter. What matters is it triggered some shit in you that you couldn’t handle. You’ve seen me when things get Bad, Percy. I’ve gotten depressed and tried to cut, I’ve gone on a bender and woken up in a stranger’s house, I’ve stood outside and screamed at the sky until I’m hoarse. At least for you, it was something safe. It’s okay not to be able to talk for a while. You stayed in control, Percy. You did well.” She is honestly most worried about his self confidence. He hides it well, but Percy has always had that problem.

Right now, he offers her a small smile. Small, but genuine. “Thanks, Morgana,” he says softly, and she knows he’ll be okay. They’ll all work extra hard to build him up tonight, but Percy is strong. He’ll bounce back.

Merlin sits up from his position and faces Percy. “About what Elena said, Percy?” he starts off. “She’s right. Those people don’t know the first thing about you, and they can’t define you. You are the person that you know yourself to be, whether that means you are queer, asexual, poly, or anything else. You know who you are, Perce, don’t lose sight of that.” Morgana chuckles under her breath, but it’s a fond sound. Merlin is the baby of the family, just nineteen, but sometimes he talks like he knows the secrets of the world, and they have all learned to listen.

Percy blushes and mumbles something. Merlin kisses him on the lips, and when he pulls back, Elena takes a turn. Morgana takes the opportunity to reach over awkwardly and kiss Merlin. He is a sweet boy, and he helps hold together every person in the house. She is grateful for him. He blushes at the attention too, and then settles back into Percy’s side.

Just then, the tent flap opens and Arthur’s head pops in. “Guys? Dinner is ready. We’re bringing it in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter doesn't actually add a whole lot to the story, sorry! Morgana doesn't have a big part in this... I promise the next chapter will be more interesting.


	3. * ~ * Elena * ~ *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elena's day starts out slow and detached, but when she goes to visit with Merlin and Arthur, she ends up having a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: anxiety, not eating

Elena wakes up early. She sneaks out of the room she shares with Gwaine and Percival so she doesn’t accidentally wake them, and then goes through her yoga routine in the front room. She usually does that with Gwen, but she can just do it again later. She needs something to keep her occupied. After that, she sits down to do some homework, and she even gets a good chunk done before she can’t stand it anymore. It’s time for a break.

So by the time Arthur creaks up the basement stairs, she is curled up under a blanket on the couch and watching Riverdale. He has the grace not to tease her about it, but he does glance at the screen and roll his eyes. “Morning, Ellie,” he yawns and pats at her poofy hair.

“G’morning, Arthur,” she replies, but it comes out as a bit of a mumble, because she is chewing on one of her hoodie strings. Arthur notices and frowns, pointing at her. He won’t touch it, though, too nervous about getting spit on his fingers. She keeps chewing as she eyes him, debating whether she should just keep it in her mouth. It is a habit she asked everyone to help her break, sure, but she doesn’t  _ want _ to stop right now.

Before she can settle on a decision, though, Merlin slides up from behind Arthur and he cheerfully snatches the knotted string out of her mouth. “We should dip them in vinegar,” he says conversationally. Arthur dons a thoughtful look.

“Nooooo…” Elena whines. “That’s gross!”

Merlin chuckles. “That’s the point,” Arthur says. Elena scowls and turns back to her show. She won’t entertain the boys while they are being mean.

Merlin chuckles again and drops a kiss on her forehead. “Good morning, Elena!” he calls out cheerfully and then he moves on past towards the kitchen. She grunts in response.

Arthur starts to follow his husband and then pauses. “Want some scrambled eggs, Ellie?”

Elena shoots him an abrupt grin. “No thanks, I already ate!” Arthur raises a brow but then walks on into the kitchen, so she goes back to her show.

One by one, her housemates wander out of their bedrooms and fix themselves breakfast or eat some of Arthur’s eggs, depending on how early they are up. Elena mostly ignores them, although Gwaine drapes himself over her like a blanket after shoveling up the last of the eggs, so she has to adjust to better cuddle him. He’s not really a morning person, so they don’t speak at all. After about half an hour, he stretches, mumbles something about work, and then slinks away towards the front door. “Bye!” Elena calls out. Gwaine grunts a response and then she hears the door close. She pauses her show. She should probably finish up her homework. Class is first thing tomorrow.

She has already been working for a while when Percival's big frame fills up the doorway and hovers there. She finishes writing the sentence she is contemplating and then stops and looks up at him. "Hey," she says softly. "I guess I didn't realize you were still home."

He shrugs and doesn't move from his hesitant pose. "I called out sick. After yesterday, it just felt… too much." Elena nods wisely. Gwaine gets depressed sometimes, and that is a dark funk he struggles to pull out of, but she and Percy both tend to fight anxiety instead. It's something Gwaine is supportive about, but can't quite relate to. And Elena… well, she's a huge mess and everyone knows it. Anxiety ruled her life when she first met Arthur, who eventually introduced her to this whole family that she loves now. She has gotten a lot better about a lot of things, but she is by no means perfect yet.

Percival is different. He is sweet and kind and comes off a little shy, but no one would really guess at the nervous feelings twisting him up inside. He tries to hide it and sometimes, it ends in a bit of a train wreck. Like yesterday, when he couldn't even speak for hours.

"Wanna come cuddle?" she offers. Percy needs the extra attention, and it's not like she is going to turn down a chance to cuddle either.

"Oh," he says, for some reason. He steps in the room finally, but then stops there. "Well, I was going to get some food, first. Have you had lunch yet?"

Elena hums and looks back at her homework. "I ate a late breakfast, actually, so I'm not really hungry yet." She reaches for her hoodie string and slides it between her teeth before she goes back to typing. She is happy to help her boyfriend recover from his Bad Day, but she really should finish this homework if he is fine on his own. Maybe later he'll need some attention.

Percival just stands there for a long moment, and she can feel him watching her. She stares at her screen, trying to be absorbed by the words she is supposed to be writing down until he eventually sighs and moves away, going to the kitchen. Once he is gone, she lets her shoulders droop and stops typing. Percy really does relate to her and her anxiety. And while it is really nice to have someone who understands so well, sometimes she just wants to keep things hidden.

The hiding thing works for her until Merlin gets home from work and school. Since he has both today, he gets home quite late, probably last out of everyone. She wasn’t really paying attention. She is in her room, playing idly on her phone when he peeks his head in the door. “Come downstairs with me?” he asks.

Downstairs is Merlin and Arthur’s domain. Arthur likes his privacy and quiet better than anyone else in the house sometimes, so no one really goes down there unless they have an invitation. Merlin and Arthur most likely have some telepathic bond though, so if Merlin is asking, Arthur must be okay with it. And frankly, she is still hiding from her boyfriends, who could potentially come back into their room at any point.

“Okay,” she says and rolls off the bed. They don’t talk as they walk downstairs or as they settle down on the extra large bed or as Merlin reaches into his bedside table (where Elena  _ knows _ , by the way, that he keeps his lube and condoms) to pull out a pack of Sour Patch Kids and offers them to her. It isn’t until they are quietly munching on those – Elena just took a tiny nibble, and then held onto it, pretending she pulled out a new one every time she received the bag – that Merlin speaks up. Even then, it isn’t directed at her.

“Hey, Arthur!” he calls loud enough that Arthur, at his desk with headphones on, can hear him. “Why don’t you take those off and play your music out loud, so we can pretend to be friends?”

Arthur sighs and removes the headphones enough so that they encircle his neck instead. “It’s jazz,” he says pointedly, glancing at Elena, who notoriously whines about his slow, soulful jazz playlists that have  _ no words _ .

“That’s fine. I don’t mind,” she offers softly. Arthur raises his brows in surprise but he unplugs the cord and lets his music fill the room. She gives him a smile, hoping to brush off his surprise, but even if Arthur would have let it go, Merlin notices these things.

“You know, Ellie, if you want company, you can just say so. You don’t have to wait for me to drag you down here to listen to Arthur’s music.” He gets up on his knees and crawls over to put a hand on Elena. She covers it with her own, feeding on the gentle pressure like it is the only nutrient her body craves. If only she could just live off human touch!

“I know!” she answers, making her voice certain and happy. She is fine, really. It’s not like she has anything going on that she needs to complain about. “I’m okay, though. I hadn’t even realized how long it has been since I’ve spent time with just you two. Once I got down here, I guess I remembered that I miss you.” She lets out an awkward chuckle, because that was actually a little more honest than she had intended to be, but Merlin only hums and leans against her. Gwaine loves sex, and that’s great, because Elena does too. But when it comes to plain cuddling and casual touch, Merlin might even rival her own clinginess. And that’s great also.

Arthur taps at his keyboard for a minute while Merlin quietly rubs circles into her hand. He always knows exactly what people want, and that’s why Merlin is never the one to push you to talk. He is a safe place. Arthur tends not to be able to read people at all, so he sometimes just asks bluntly about what is going on. But when Merlin is around, he knows to follow his husband’s lead. So after a short time at the computer, he takes his headphones off fully and comes to the bed too. He takes up a position where he can be touching both Merlin and Elena, and then they are all three cuddling.

“Hey guys?” she starts. Merlin hums encouragingly. Arthur tilts his head to show he is listening. “You know, I was a little worried for you when you got married. You didn’t know each other long, and you’re both so young still. But I think partly, I was just a little jealous. I know you love us all, but marriage is something special, and I felt like you were going to close yourselves off from the rest of us. I’m really glad you didn’t.”

Merlin snorts. “You’re silly, Elena. You of all people should know that we can love more than one person at a time.” It’s true, sort of. Elena was polyamorous before she met anyone here, and she was the one to first bring up dating across all seven of them instead of just their initial partners. Still. People can change, too, and no one has to commit to polyamory.

Arthur sits up and steeples his fingers. That means he has something to say, something serious. “I do think marriage has brought me closer to Merlin. We’ve bonded in a way I haven’t with anyone else, and I don’t think I want it with anyone else, either. But having the rest of you around makes life… fuller. More complete. I am not ashamed to admit that I’ll take the best of both worlds, if I can have it. And luckily, you have all chosen to have me.” He finishes with a gentle smile and Elena can’t help but smile back. Arthur seems so confident, so content, and she wonders if he ever has any of the anxieties she does. He is younger than most of them, at only 20, but she sometimes thinks he is the smartest. She really admires him.

“Well… anyway. Thanks for the cuddles,” she says when she doesn’t know what else to say. Arthur blinks, looking like he expected a different response, and Merlin starts to giggle. Elena joins him. “Love you, Arthur,” she says when he wrinkles his nose at the pair of them.

“Love you, Arthur,” Merlin copies.

Arthur sighs. “I love you both,” he answers, probably thinking something very intellectual to himself as Merlin and Elena burst into giggles again at his weary response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I really love Elena, in this story and any others. I always want her to have better, ALWAYS. Also, I know there are only brief clues of her not eating, but yeah, you noticed that, right? Keep it in mind. :'(


	4. * ~ * Gwen * ~ *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen is already struggling when she gets the news that Elena hasn't eaten and she comes home to take care of her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: drugs, cocaine, addiction, anorexia, not eating, car accidents, referenced character death

It never gets any easier. She has never been sure whether it is cocaine in particular or addiction in general that gets to her, but whichever it is has power. In Gwen’s case, she has been clean for four years, seven months, and thirteen days. It’s still not any easier. She knows, she  _ knows _ , if she could just have a little, it would take off the pressure. She would feel amazing, and maybe she could finally get some things done. It would help, it honestly would, so that she no longer feels like she is drowning.

God, all she wants is a single line.

It would be beneficial, really.

The thing is, she also knows her own weakness, and it’s never just one line. She always wants more. Because, in the end, it  _ does _ feel good. Being high is probably the best feeling she has ever experienced. All your worries melt away, you’re on top of the world, you can do anything. And Gwen has never been all that strong, so… she simply can’t risk it. The last time she touched any drug, her whole world was ripped away from her. In some ways, she is still picking up the pieces of her life. So no matter how much it would help, she won’t have even a little. She can’t. She wouldn’t survive the aftermath.

Even so, it’s not easy to tell herself no.

Today isn’t even the worst day. It’s just that work was a nightmare; the team she is stuck working with insists on including these extra features on their final product that just don’t make sense. She spent a good hour trying to explain and even demonstrate why a streamlined code would flow better and less bugs would pop up. Why they don’t actually need the extra features, because the way she wrote the program manages all that automatically. But they want it to be obvious, they want buttons and flashy graphics and, inevitably, problems. So after a fruitless argument, she went back to the drawing board and came up with a new draft to please her coworkers even though they clearly didn’t understand the project as well.

It is almost two hours past when she should have left the building, but she is only just now sitting in her car, ready to go. Normally, she would be making dinner for her six housemates (lifemates) but she texted Percy and Morgana hours ago and asked them to cook up the chicken she had set to defrost earlier this morning. When she sits down in her car, she reads her texts from Morgana and sees that everything went smoothly and she can relax. Well, that’s what her girlfriend told her anyway.

There is certainly cleaning to do, there always is. Surprisingly few of the airheads living in her house think to do simple things like take out the trash and scrub the toilet. Elena forgets to eat if you don't remind her. She should probably check in on Percy, too. He had a Bad Day just a few days ago, and that is unexpected. He hadn’t been able to talk, and though he insists he is fine now, she wants to be sure he is really dealing with his problems. Then there’s Gwaine, who sometimes gets so stuck in his head, worrying about his partners, that he doesn’t take care of himself. Merlin has been on edge lately, too, just because he is so sensitive to the moods in the house, and things have been tense and sad lately. Arthur has been subdued, waiting to hear back after his first meeting with a psychologist, and he could use some distraction. Then there is Morgana herself, who is doing okay, as far as Gwen knows, but needs some attention anyway, just because she is Gwen’s girlfriend, her partner, and she deserves it. Anyway, that is all just to say that going home isn’t going to be relaxing either. Gwen is tired and stressed and she sometimes feels like she is mother to six other adults, which is hard. She just wants a break. It’s so tempting.

She is staring at her contact list on her phone, arguing with herself. She deleted her dealer’s number years ago, but that only makes it a bit harder to find something. There are people she could contact. It wouldn’t be too hard. Friends of friends. She would only have to buy a little bit, and she would take it right away. She could enjoy her night, and no one would ever find out what she did. No one needs to know.

She thumbs through her contacts, wondering who would lead to the most direct path. Who is the most likely to know someone? Who will be the most discrete? She doesn’t even realize she has moved past dissuading herself until her phone buzzes with a new message:

_ “El dint eat tday. Says she fine but she wont tlk to me n P. 2M2H” _

Gwen takes a deep breath and clears her mind. The urge is still there. It isn’t any easier to go on without taking anything. But there are things that are more important, so she types out a quick response to Gwaine and then turns on her car. It’s time to go home.

After parking in the driveway, Gwen goes straight through the house without bothering with greetings. She heads right for the sliding glass door that leads to their backyard. Sure enough, Elena is out there, yoga mat laid out over the grass. She stops and makes a face when Gwen walks up.

“I came out here for a little privacy,” she snaps. Gwen isn’t fooled. Her voice is brittle, wavering. She gets irritable when she doesn’t eat, anyway. This is nothing to turn aside for.

“Stand up,” Gwen orders firmly, but keeps her voice level. Ellie got the "gentle treatment" from both her boyfriends, and she shut them out. Gwen knows how to rule her house with an iron fist when she needs to. Elena obeys without protest, but her eyes speak volumes.

The way her legs tremble and her body sways is evidence enough for Gwen that she was lying about eating lately. She looks pale, actually, and there is a good chance she hasn’t eaten for a few days. It has been months since she had any sort of relapse. She had been doing so well that they all lost vigilance and probably missed the signs.

“What is it, Gwen?” Elena asks, her voice still tremulous, but also weary. Gwen understands. Oh, does she understand! But if she can’t give in to her vice, neither can Elena.

“How long?” she asks. Elena flinches. “How long since you’ve eaten?” Gwen insists. Elena gives a small shrug and looks away, down to the ground. Gwen crosses her arms and frowns.

In truth, she is scared. She loves Elena, they all do. She is their golden light, usually a giggling, happy presence in the house. And if she starves herself, she could die. She could just be… gone. Forever. And they all let it happen again. They were focused on Percival, on Arthur, and they just let Ellie slip through their fingers. But she can’t show any fear, because Elena needs her to be the disciplinarian right now. She needs a firm hand, and then comfort and support to get back on track. Fear is what got her here in the first place.

The silence stretches for a moment before Elena mumbles quietly in answer. “I had a few bites of toast yesterday morning.” Gwen takes a deep breath again. She needs to stay calm.

“Okay. Let’s go inside, see if there are crackers in the cupboard.”

“No crackers, please,” Elena whispers. She is still facing the ground, her shoulders slumped in defeat. She knows the routine. This isn’t the first time they have been through this.

“Elena,” Gwen says in warning, and that’s when she finally looks up again. There are tears in her eyes.

“I can have juice. Apple juice, for now. Okay?” Gwen considers that for a moment. They probably have some in the fridge. She keeps them pretty well stocked with the basics.

“Fine. As long as you have something, I’ll let you choose, for now. But starting tomorrow, we are going to have to go back to planned meals.”

Elena wipes at her eyes and nods. “I know,” she answers. Gwen nods too and then uncrosses her arms. She picks up the yoga mat for Elena and then uses her free hand to guide her toward the door. The other woman leans into the support as they walk. “I’m sorry,” she whispers when they make it into the kitchen. Gwen sighs. She can probably let up now.

Wordlessly, she hugs Elena and the two stand there like that for a full minute. When they pull apart, Percival is hovering in the doorway. “I’m okay, Ellie,” he says. They all know that Elena’s eating habits are triggered by anxiety more than anything. Percival’s episode could have triggered it or not, but either way, it couldn’t have helped. “Really. I’m doing fine now.”

Elena looks his way and promptly bursts into tears. She runs into his open arms and while Percy hugs her, Gwen goes to get the juice.

A little later, they are seated around the table, with the addition of Merlin and Gwaine. Elena has calmed down and she is slowly sipping at her glass of juice. “We are all here for you, Elena,” Gwen says. “You know that. Just to talk, or cook, or whatever you need. You don’t need to hide from us.”

“I know,” Elena answers, guilty. “I know. I just… I hate it. I feel like a baby sometimes. I’m more needy than anyone else here, and it’s stupid. I shouldn’t be such a burden.”

“You’re not a burden, Ellie!” Gwaine puts a hand earnestly on her forearm. “We want you to be healthy. We want to help you! You are never a burden.”

Elena shakes her head. “I know. I know all that. It’s still hard. And you guys - Gwaine, Percival - you guys signed up for this. I mean, you knew what you were getting into with me. But the rest of them don’t deserve this. I’m hurting all of you, I know it. Merlin shows it in his eyes.” At the sound of his name, Merlin shakes his head, but looks away because they all know he is the easiest to read. “And Gwen? She pretends everything is fine, and none of us can see her crack except Morgana. But it hurts her still, I know that. Gwen, you’re always taking care of all of us, and you shouldn’t have to. It’s not fair to you.”

Gwen thins her lips. “I…” she shakes her head, but she doesn’t know what to say. Suddenly, she feels like crying. “I  _ want _ to take care of you guys. You too, Elena. I want all of you to be happy. I love you guys.”

“But we all just make your life miserable,” Elena responds glumly.

“No. No, that’s not right.” Gwen blinks away the tears and flattens her hands on the table. She won’t cry. She has to show Elena that she wants this. Because the alternative… she had that, once. Quiet solitude… no problems to fix, no messes to clean, no one to nag her or tease her. She had no one to worry about… and it was hell.

She met Morgana almost a year after her family died in the crash that she caused with her poor decisions. Almost a whole year, completely alone. And then Morgana brought her new life, and everything turned around. It's still not perfect. There is always that tempting call of cocaine, the easy escape. There are problems, some serious and life-threatening. There are complications with living together with six others, especially when you are all part of a convoluted romance. Everything is  _ hard _ , and sometimes Gwen wants to give in. But… that’s not all.

“Elena. I love you. All of you are my family, and that… that’s a miracle. I never thought I would have a family again. But I do, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you all in my life. You don’t make my life miserable. You are the only reason I  _ have _ a life. You all make it worth it.” While she talks, Gwen stands up and walks around the table, stopping in front of Elena. Then, she kisses her slowly and sweetly, trying to put all of her passion and emotions into the kiss. Elena just soaks it all up. “So please, Elena. Don’t call yourself a burden. Remember that you are important to all of us.”

Elena’s eyes tear up again, but she nods quickly and that makes Gwen smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting through it! Just a couple more chapters left. I hope you guys are hanging in there!


	5. * ~ * Percival * ~ *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Percival just wants to help out his family members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly fluff with a bit of angst. TW: talk of poor self-worth

His whole life, Percy had been told he was not enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not helpful enough, not handsome enough, not tough enough. It was his parents who really hammered it in, and he has since learned that they were wrong for doing that, but they weren’t the only ones either. Teachers told him that if he really applied himself, he could get straight A’s, not knowing that he worked his ass off to get those B’s. Friends told him that if he had been man enough to hit the guy his first girlfriend left him for, she probably wouldn’t have left him in the first place. His second partner, a boyfriend this time, told him when they broke up that Percival wasn’t sexual enough to keep anyone's interest.

He is learning now that none of this is true, and that people who put him down in that way are judging him by their own, improper standards. He has a therapist now, and she has him tell himself that just being himself  _ is _ enough. So, overall, he’s doing much better now.

But.

But that doesn’t stop him from wanting to be  _ more _ than enough, especially for the ones he loves. First and foremost on that list are Gwaine and Elena. Somehow, after Percival had fully given up on relationships, he had ended up in a committed triad with the two most accepting people he had ever met. It hasn’t been too long yet, but Percival already entertains the idea of ‘forever’ when it comes to them. Thanks to them, though, they are not the only loved ones in his life.

There are seven of them living together in this house, and Percy has something of a special relationship with each and every one. It is complex. Morgana and Arthur are siblings, and though they care about each other, their love is, of course, not romantic. Percival doesn’t want sex with anyone aside from the occasional time with his partners, but he still loves the others. Merlin and Arthur recently got married to each other, but they still love everyone else and participate in this great amalgam of lovers. Percival is the first to admit it is strange and confusing, but he wouldn’t really want it any other way.

Seeing to the needs of six others can be exhausting, but they all support each other, so even Percival knows the weight is not solely on his shoulders. He does what he can for his lovers, and they all remind him daily that he  _ is _ enough. For all of them.

Still, he knows what it is like to try too hard for others and forget about yourself. The moment Gwen gets home, he sees the signs of defeated stress and weariness in her eyes. The afternoon had already been difficult for them after finding out about Elena slipping up, and then trying to get through to her while she fought to keep them out. Gwen gets home and, to everyone’s relief, goes straight to Elena, successfully bringing her inside to eat.

They all hover worriedly, but after some juice, Gwaine and Percival coax a weepy and tired Elena into their room. Percy stays until Elena falls asleep, and then he leaves her in Gwaine’s hands. “I’ll be back,” he whispers after gracing Gwaine with a kiss. “I just want to check in on Gwen. You’ve got Ellie, right?”

Gwaine smiles fondly down at the smallest member of their triad. “Yeah. Hopefully she’ll stay asleep, anyway, but if she does wake up, I’ll be here. You go be your wonderful self, Perce.”

Percy huffs an awkward laugh and waves away Gwaine’s compliment, embarrassed. “Okay. Well, you know where I’ll be if you need me.” He walks out with Gwaine blowing him one more kiss, then he moves quietly down the hallway to Gwen and Morgana’s room. 

The house is officially Gwen’s, and she had originally occupied the master bedroom. After Percival moved into the room with Gwaine and Elena, though, she insisted they switch rooms, since they had more people in one space. So now the two women share the smaller room at the back of the house, and they claim the bathroom next door mostly for themselves. That is where Percival finds Gwen. Morgana had told him that the other woman was taking a bath, so Percival knocks tentatively, not wanting to wait, unless he had to. When he tells her who it is at the door, though, Gwen invites him in.

He hesitates a moment, but then opens the door. He doesn’t normally like to even be naked with the others. It’s not that he doesn’t trust them not to cross boundaries, he does. It just feels slightly awkward and unnecessary, when they aren’t going to be doing anything with each other. But right now with Gwen, he doesn’t mind. He is clothed and she is underwater in her bath, somewhat hidden by bubbles. As he shuts the door behind him, keeping in the steamy air, he knows exactly what he is going to offer.

“Hi, Percy. Sorry about this, I just don’t want to get out of the water just yet.” Gwen speaks to him with her head leaned back and eyes closed. He smiles faintly and kneels down next to the bathtub.

“It’s fine,” he answers quietly. “I wouldn’t have come in if I minded.”

She nods, but says nothing more.

“You seem pretty overwhelmed today,” he prompts. She lets out a soft sigh. “How are you doing, Gwen?”

She is quiet for a long time, but Percy just waits and eventually she answers. “I’m holding it together, I guess. It’s easier once I am at home with you lot. Work is hard, though.”

He hums in response. Then, he asks, “Do you want a massage? It might help with some of that stress.” She smiles wide and opens her eyes to actually look at him.

“That’s a fantastic idea, Percy. Thanks.” He just smiles back in response, and then eases her head back again, readjusting to be able to reach her shoulders best. He is easily the strongest in the house, and therefore, his are the most sought-after massages. Usually he’ll sit behind someone during a movie and rub their shoulders, or if one of them is especially sore, they will seek him out in his room. This is a first.

The way Gwen melts under his hands assures him he is doing the right thing, though. Gwen is thoughtful and responsible. She is often taking care of everyone, even while the rest of them goof off. Morgana teases her for mothering, but really, it’s a lovely trait. They just need to make sure they reciprocate and Gwen is taken care of too. So as he starts in on his massage, he intends to do just that. Hopefully this small gesture can show Gwen how much they  _ all _ appreciate her, reminding her too that she is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more chapters to go! Sorry for the short one.


	6. * ~ * Gwaine * ~ *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Elena's crisis, Gwaine has one of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, cutting, razors, depressive thoughts, self esteem issues, blood, sharps

He wakes up earlier than everyone. Earlier than the sun even. That almost never happens unless he has to get up for work. But today, it is still dark outside, although he can hear the birds trilling their lighthearted songs, so it can’t be that long till sunrise. Gwaine just lays there, staring at the ceiling as it slowly grows brighter outside. He probably doesn’t wait all that long - it’s still not bright out - but he just can’t stand it anymore. His brain is screaming at him to get up, to _do_ something.

Without moving his neck, his eyes flicker over to Elena.  _ She’s slipping away, _ his subconscious informs him soberly.  _ She will be  _ dead _ and it will be your fault. _ Elena gives a soft snore in her sleep, and he looks away. She’s fine. She ate last night and he had eyes on her the entire evening. Right now, she’s tucked safely in Percival’s strong arms. A thin leg, too light, is hooked around Gwaine’s waist in an odd contortion.

He should have noticed.

Percival was upset, and before that, they were all trying to calm Arthur’s anxieties about his appointment with his psychiatrist. They had all been preoccupied, and Elena had seemed fine. But she isn’t. He should have noticed, even more so than Percy. Gwaine isn’t even struggling with anything personally right now. All he had to do was look after his two lovers, and he had failed.

With a subtle stretch, he eases out from under Elena’s sprawled limb. Percival’s hand is curled under his neck, but when he moves off, it gives a small twitch and then wraps around Elena instead. No problem. Once Gwaine is upright, he stands there for a moment watching his gorgeous partners sleep. They are perfect.

And he didn’t take care of them.

With a flinch, he looks away and paces into the bathroom. He can’t stand laying there idle anymore. He just has to…  _ do _ something. They have the master bedroom, so their bathroom is attached; he is wearing nothing when he slips through the doorway and eases the door shut. For a moment, he regards his reflection in the mirror. He looks good, as usual. Dark locks, tan skin, smooth pecs, defined abs. Elena loves to worship his body. She often praises him for being the hottest man on the planet, even when Percival is around to hear it. Perce, always the grounded one, would carefully remind him that he is more than just a sexy body. That his appearance doesn’t add or detract from his worth.

Gwaine isn’t always sure he agrees. He has often skated by in life on just his looks. And now here he is, with six different lovers, and he almost let one of them slip right through his fingers. Again. No, this perfect exterior was no more than a mask hiding his shortcomings as a person and as a boyfriend.

He fiddles with the little blade between his fingers. He honestly doesn’t even remember getting out his razor, but he doesn’t spare that any thought. It doesn’t matter. It’s just… he has scars on his wrists and up his arms, from before. They are discrete and they don’t really mar his “perfect” image. But. Anyone in this house would notice if he came out with a bandage on his wrist this morning. Ellie and Percy especially.

If it was elsewhere, though… under his shirt. He could get by with wearing a shirt for a while. And it would show more, like this. He drags the blade across his side, a beading line of red appearing right over those perfect abs Ellie likes so much. It hurts, more than it did when he cut on his arms, before. He makes another line, parallel to the first, and blinks up at his mirror image. There. Now his outside matches his inside.

His hand quivers then and the blade drops all the way to the floor. Shit. Fuck! What is he doing? His heart is suddenly racing and he quickly locks the door with a shaky hand. If El or Perce saw him like this… shit. He gulps and forces down the guilty sensation. He can wallow later; he needs to clean this up. Carefully, he picks up the discarded razor blade with two fingers. He rinses it off, but on second thought, just tosses it in the bin. There won’t be any hiding this from anyone, not for long anyway. He might as well face the consequences.

He tosses the rest of the plastic razor too and then opens the side mirror to rummage for some bandaids. It is as he is fumbling with those that he hears a knock on the door. “Jus- Just a minute!” he calls, desperately trying to sound normal.

A loud yawn sounds from outside the door. It's Elena, but she does not seem to notice his high-strung state. He turns on the water and rinses off his cuts rapidly and then uses the hand towel to pat them dry. Then, he unwraps a few bandaids and sticks them on haphazardly. He doesn't have a shirt to put on. He hesitates in the middle of the bathroom floor, realizing there is no way he can hide this, until Elena knocks again. "Gwaine? I just need to pee…" She still sounds half-asleep. Maybe she won't notice?

He unlocks and opens the door too sheepishly. Elena blinks at him and cocks her head. "Uh… go ahead," he mutters, trying to slide past her and back into the room.

Just as he moves, her eyes skate down his torso and he sees her brows furrow. "Gwaine? Are you okay?" He keeps moving, but she turns her body to face him. He offers a bright grin.

"Yeah, just a scratch, I'm fine!" She was the one who needed taking care of today. She was in a bad state, and here he was, trying to turn the attention on himself. Selfish asshole.

Elena steps forward and grabs his arm. He doesn't fight her, but he flinches when she reaches out and traces the line of the cuts. His bandaid job doesn't cover up the whole thing at all.

"Gwaine…" Her voice is soft, and he can tell by her tone that she knows. She looks up at him with her big, sad eyes.

"I fucked up," he says immediately. "I wasn't thinking, and I just -"

"It was my fault, wasn't it? Because I wasn't eating?"

"No!" He blurts. She knows him too well. It has been a long while since he cut, but she knows stress is a trigger. He grimaces. "I was just so worried, and upset at myself for not noticing. It's not your fault. I just… fucked up, Ellie. I'm sorry. It's me."

She blinks, fluttering her eyelashes at him and then rushes in for a tight hug. " _ I'm _ sorry," she insists, but he decides not to continue the argument.

She is still squeezing him when he hears Percival's voice rumbling from behind him. "Hey. You guys okay?" Elena pulls back just enough to look him in the eyes, and with a guilty lurch of his stomach, he knows he has to admit to his mistake.

Gwaine turns slowly to look at Percy, who is sitting up, his face just slightly concerned. "I - I'm good now…" Elena squeezes his middle, making his cuts sting. He needs to remind her that this is still an open wound. "I woke up before you two, and I…" He sighs, glancing at Elena. She looks back at him sternly. "I just kept thinking about how bad off Elena was before any of us noticed. So, I got up. I was just trying to change the scenery, shake off the bad thoughts. But my razor was in the bathroom, and I didn't even think it through, I just…" He trails off, but Percival gets the gist. His face goes solemn right away and he beckons Gwaine forward.

Gwaine gets back on the bed with Elena still clinging to him. "I fucked up, I know. I'm sorry," he whispers, hating himself. Percy just pulls him to his chest and holds him there. Elena molds herself to his side and Percy wraps an arm around her too.

"Are you safe now?"

"I am!" Gwaine gulps. "I was stuck in my head, I wasn't thinking. But I'm not going to do it again, I swear. You and Elena deserve better. I should be taking care of you guys."

Percival sighs. "We should all be taking care of each other," he corrects firmly. Gwaine grunts his agreement. He's right. "We all have issues, but we have each other to lean on, right? You guys both know you can come to me."

Elena squeaks. "I know, Perce! I fucked up too, and I shouldn't have kept quiet. I know you will both help me when I need it." Gwaine squeezes her hip where his hand is.

"Damn right," he mutters. "No more secrets."

"That goes for you too, dummy," Elena retorts.

"Wake us up if you feel alone," Percival says. His voice is fragile, scared. Gwaine drops his head on his boyfriend's muscled shoulder.

"Yeah. I will. I'll do better."

"You are doing fine," Percival adds. Gwaine smiles just slightly and nods into his shoulder. Maybe he does believe him, just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a heavy one guys, I hope none of it bothered you too much, and I hope I depicted it thoughtfully.


	7. * ~ * Merlin * ~ *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next day, Merlin gathers everyone for an announcement of a sort.

The next day, Merlin knocks on Percival, Gwaine, and Elena’s door. There is some loud and questionable thumping, but then the door creaks open. “Merlin!” Elena greets with a big grin. Gwaine is on the bed with no shirt and a laptop on his lap. He looks decidedly less happy than Elena. Percy is sprawled on his back next to Gwaine, but he looks up and offers Merlin a smile.

“Hey guys. Um, I wanted to see if you were free right now. Arthur has something he wants to tell everyone.” He shifts hesitantly from foot to foot. Based on the scene and Gwaine’s grumpiness, they very well could have been watching porn as a lead-up to sex. It wasn’t uncommon to find them in the middle of that sort of business.

Elena’s face actually does dim, just a bit, and she turns around to look at her boyfriends. “Boys? Is that okay?” Gwaine sighs dramatically and begins a groan that only stops short when Percy pinches him and the groan turns into a squeal.

“It’s fine,” Percival says as he sits up. He stretches before walking to the door.

Gwaine is pouting still, so Merlin adds, “It’s actually pretty important for him, Gwaine.”

The other man sighs, closes his laptop, and rolls off the bed. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. I wasn’t actually gonna tell you no, Merlin.” Merlin nods with a tiny smile. He knows how nervous Arthur is tonight. In fact, that is the whole reason Merlin is gathering everyone while Arthur waits in the living room. As they walk back into the hallway, Elena hangs back and falls in next to Gwaine. She starts whispering something in his ear.

Merlin smiles and sends the three of them on to the living room while he turns the other way and retrieves Morgana from her room. Gwen is in the kitchen, finishing up the lasagna before putting it in the oven, and she makes her way into the living room at the same time as Merlin and Morgana.

Arthur is still sitting ramrod straight in the loveseat where Merlin left him. He smiles fondly and makes his way over to kiss the fluff of Arthur's golden hair before plopping down next to him. The other couch is taken up, so Morgana and Gwen settle down on the ground across from Arthur. Everyone looks at him expectantly, waiting for his news. Instead of speaking, he glances at Merlin who takes his hand and squeezes reassuringly. “Go ahead, love. We’re all ready.”

Arthur nods to himself and then begins. “All right. So, you all know that a few weeks ago, I went through a testing process with a psychologist. Today was my follow-up appointment with her, and she talked to me about second opinions and further follow-ups and how every patient is different, but ultimately… she has a diagnosis for me.”

They wait for him to continue, but his gaze drops to the floor, and he just stays like that. “Yeah?” Merlin encourages, squeezing Arthur’s hand again. Arthur told him, of course, the second he walked out of the office and Merlin met him in the waiting room. He is the first to know most things about Arthur. But he hasn't told anyone else yet, not even his sister.

“What is it, Arthur?” Gwen asks him gently.

Arthur takes a breath and stares at his feet as he says it: "She said that based on my test results and what she knows of me from speaking with me, I likely have a high-functioning form of autism.” There is a quiet pause as everyone waits to see if Arthur has anything more to say.

Gwaine is the first to break the silence, and it’s with a snort. “Oh. Yeah, no shit.”

Arthur’s head jerks up and he eyes Gwaine in alarm.

Morgana reaches over and backhands Gwaine wherever she can reach, which happens to be his thigh. He squawks, but Elena scowls at him. “Geez, Gwaine, not very supportive, are you?”

“What?!” Gwaine asks with a laugh. Then, he sobers, right before Merlin jumps in. “Wait, sorry. That probably sounded insensitive. I just… I knew already; I thought everyone did.”

Merlin does jump in then. “ _ What _ ? How did  _ you _ know?” he demands. He found out when Arthur told him, and no sooner. That's the way it should be, too. He loves Gwaine, but Arthur is  _ Merlin's _ business first, everyone else’s second. It's absolutely not fair that Gwaine has known all this time.

Gwaine shrugs. “My cousin has autism, and you guys are a lot alike. Well… not totally, but you do have these odd quirks, like your stimming and how certain clothes bother you. The no eye contact thing. So… I just sort of assumed you had autism too. I thought we just didn’t talk about it.”

Arthur bites his lip, but he looks less alarmed. Somewhat.

“Hey, Arthur, I’m fine with it. As long as you are.” Arthur nods slowly.

“Me too,” Percy adds in. “I mean, I didn’t know, but now that you told us… it doesn’t bother me or anything. But thank you for telling us! I know it must have been hard.” He grins widely at Arthur.

“Right, no problem. And we still love you tons!” Elena pipes up. Arthur is relaxing, second by second. His gaze slides past the three on the couch, though, and lands on Morgana and Gwen on the floor. He tenses a little again, and Merlin begins to rub circles on his palm. Morgana can be very opinionated and judgmental before coming around, sometimes. Merlin doesn’t think this will be a problem today, but he knows Arthur is nervous.

“I didn’t realize it was anything,” Morgana says, speaking slowly and calmly, her expression warm. “I thought you were just weird. But Gwen did… back when she first met you. She asked me if you had autism. I told her no, but… it turns out she was right all along.”

Gwen flushes red and blurts out, “I only thought so at the beginning. And, well, I guess now I do again, but only because you just told us so. It’s not like I was judging you, or… anything like that! It wouldn’t matter to me either way.” Arthur’s lips quirk slightly upward.

"This diagnosis might actually be helpful, though," Morgana puts in. "You’ll have more justification for certain things, and more support from the public at large. But it doesn't change anything about  _ you _ . You're still the same annoying little brother of mine, and you’re just as much of a brat as you always were."

Arthur barks a laugh, and that seems to fully banish any tension in him. “You guys really don’t mind?” he asks, though, almost compulsively.

“Of course not,” Gwen assures him while Gwaine and Morgana both give him a derisive, “No!”

Arthur turns to Merlin, who smiles so radiantly back at him, it hurts his cheeks. His husband’s clear blue eyes are warm and his sharp jawline is softened with a real smile. His blond hair glints in the light, looking almost like a crown. Merlin, feeling very sappy and in love, says, “You know I love you, Arthur? I’ve always loved you, from the moment I first saw you.”

“I know,” Arthur murmurs. “You’ve told me.” His eyes shine with a playful light, but Merlin stays serious for a moment.

“I’m really, really proud of you, dear,” Merlin murmurs, his accent coming out more than normal. Arthur pulls Merlin in next to him and snuggles as close as he can.

“I was scared to tell you all,” he admits into Merlin’s hair.

“That’s okay,” Percy says with a fond smile. “You did great.”

“Yeah, really great,” Elena gives him a thumbs-up from where she is tangled with Gwaine and Percival.

Gwen shakes her head and reaches out to place a hand on Arthur's leg. He lifts his head from Merlin’s to look down at her. "Arthur, you know none of us will ever judge you, right? We love you and support you, no matter what happens."

“Yeah, I do. I just… get stuck on certain fears, sometimes, I guess.” He takes a deep breath and then covers Gwen’s hand with his own. His cheeks are a little red, Merlin notices, and he turns his head to kiss Arthur’s neck. "Thanks, guys. I really appreciate how you responded.”

“Great, so can we get to the food now?” Gwaine says. “I’m literally starving.”

“Rude,” Elena says primly, nudging her elbow into Gwaine’s side. “For some of us, literally starving is a real problem!”

“You shouldn’t joke around about your eating disorder like that!” Gwen admonishes, affronted, but Morgana just starts laughing.

Gwen frowns and swats at her girlfriend. Elena giggles too and leans over, precariously off the couch to kiss Gwen on the lips. Gwaine takes her hips to steady her so she doesn’t fall and then helps her back up. “Okay, okay,” Gwen says, "But, that was insensitive, Gwaine. And Elena… ugh, I don’t even know what to say to you.”

“Stop making light of my disordered eating?” Elena chirps.

Gwen sighs and shakes her head. “Whatever. Anyway, Gwaine, I put lasagna in the oven, but it won’t be ready for a while. You’re going to have to wait on the food.”

Gwaine groans loudly at that, making Morgana roll her eyes. “If you want to make it go faster, you could help me make a salad,” Morgana suggests sweetly. Gwaine waves his hands as if to fend off the suggestion.

“No, no, I have something to get back to with Elena anyway.” Elena giggles into his side.

“I’ll help with the salad, Morgana,” Percival offers.

“Traitor,” Gwaine hisses, but Percy just shrugs.

“Thank you, Percival,” Morgana says magnanimously. She starts to get up and then pauses. “Unless… was there anything else you wanted to say, Arthur?”

Merlin glances at his husband, who is smiling fondly at everyone’s antics. “No, I’m done,” Arthur agrees. “Go ahead. And thanks for cooking, Gwen.” She beams at him, and Merlin thinks they are all going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all folks! I know nothing is totally resolved, but I hope you feel like the ends are tied up for the story. I know this is really slice-of-life style for a chaptered fic. I hope you enjoyed it, but let me know what you think, even the parts you didn't like! I'm curious.

**Author's Note:**

> I was (and am currently still) in a polyamory kick. And if I’m going to be completely honest, I was inspired by a BTS fic where all 7 members were in a relationship. I just love all those people being in love, so I wanted to write something for this fandom! :) Oh, and I am sorry for all the suffering. I really love the idea of them all being a support system for each other, with their various issues, but I know this gets dark in parts. If you are struggling or need help, please reach out to those around you, or a therapist, or even me! You are important, and there are people who care. <3 Be safe!


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